Killing Me (A Thousand Times)
by omgkatkat
Summary: Castiel's struggle through Naomi's assingment-to remove all feeling for Dean Winchester.


Killing Me (A Thousand times)

Destiel Fan Fic

Number 1

The first Dean wasn't so bad. I felt that if I could show Naomi that I was fully invested in the mission she would move on to my next task.

I didn't even have to look at him, I just snapped the figures neck. The body crumbled to the ground and I looked down at its face, its dead eyes staring back at me.

Those green eyes.

I told myself they weren't Dean's. It may look like him but it wasn't him. Lots of people looked like Dean, even the demons he had fought attempted at taking Dean's physical form, and I _**knew **_Dean Winchester, as least that's what I'd tell myself as I continued onward.

Number 87

I slipped. I paused just for a moment to collect myself.

I gave the figure enough time to turn around and look at me. It saw me and acted like it knew me. It acted like Dean.

The copy smiled, just like the real Dean. The eyes lit up the same way. The lines that formed around his eyes and lips were all too familiar.

The Dean imitation parted its lips, and was about to speak as I plunged my blade into its chest.

Number 423

Naomi had made some improvements to the duplicates. They were stronger, armed and fought back. They also spoke, they called out for Sam or Bobby, one even cried out for Dean's father. I half expected to turn around and see another Winchester charging at me, but if I did it was only Dean.

The copies started coming in groups, five or seven at a time with knives and guns. They would gather around me in a circle, weapons raised.

The words were the real weapon though.

"Liar!"

"Betrayer!"

"Monster!"

Things I convinced myself of being after everything I had done, but it was different coming from his voice. It was worse.

425…

428…

I slashed my way through them but there were more. There was a fleet of them.

573…

576…

I could here their last breaths, I could feel their hearts stop. Their warm blood grew sticky on my hands. My body started shaking. It was beginning to take its toll.

Number 908

Naomi had stopped the fleets. I had been able to shut my mind off and let my body take over. I went back to Castiel the soldier of Heaven's Garrison, not knowing or caring who the enemy was, just killing.

The space around me had gone silent. I walked over the cold bodies, their blood stained into my clothes.

Now I had to hunt. Now I had to seek him out.

I suddenly stopped. I heard something, felt something. A voice from outside was trying to get through.

It was Dean. He was praying.

My body tensed up. I wondered how Naomi was capable of such a thing. Angels shouldn't be able to interfere with another angel's prayers. Then it hit me; this was Dean. This was the real Dean.

I focused on the prayer, opening myself to his real voice, his real pain, his real needs. I missed him. I searched out for his soul among the billions back on earth. I found it with in seconds, his prayer now clearer in my head. I examined his soul, so small compared to an angel's, and so broken. Even so it was the strongest soul I had seen and most beautiful sight.

The prayer had ended. I felt my face now wet with tears, washing away the dried blood. Sam Winchester was in trouble and Dean needed me.

I quickly found the fake Dean and smashed its body into the concrete wall. I needed to get out of here. My mind was focused. I needed to help Sam and Dean.

Number 1,354

I was never getting out.

It was foolish of me to think that I could leave, that I could be there for Dean. I am an angel of the Lord. We take our orders from Heaven, not from man. I had forgotten that, and Naomi was reminding me. Angels are meant to _**protect **_mankind not _**serve **_them. One cannot serve two masters.

I approached another Dean, this time it saw me coming. It lowered its gun and called out to me.

"Cas!"

It was smiling as I brought my fist to its face. The copy fell to the ground in pain. I lifted it up by the shirt and brought my fist down on him again, breaking his nose.

"Cas, please! I'm sorry. What did I do wrong?" The Dean began to cry, helplessly trying to defend itself.

It continued pleading as I repeatedly beat it, expecting each punch to be the last.

"I forgive you Cas, for everything."

I paused, I've wanted to hear those words, though they never needed to be said. I part of me still believed that no matter what, Dean would still have me. I liked to believe that is what 'family' meant to the Winchesters.

"It's okay Cas,"

I liked to believe we were still family.

"You don't have to do this"

But I'm an angel, I have a duty to my family in Heaven. I raised the figures body up and tossed him across the room. The sound of several ribs shattering echoed through the air. The duplicate lifted its head up and held its chest as it struggled to get up. I appeared before him, seeing that he was still alive and pushed him back to the ground with my foot. I leaned into his chest, crushing more ribs as he cried out in agony. The Dean kept his gaze on mine the entire time, his bruised and swollen face was streaming in tears and blood. He wrapped his hands around my leg; he was choking, drowning in his own blood. As he gasped for his final breath of air in a soft whisper he said,

"I love you."

Its heart stopped and its life faded from its eyes. It was dead but I felt myself fall to my knees as I continued to beat its corpse. _**Love?**_ I knew it was fake, that it wasn't the real Dean. I knew it was Naomi, punishing me for turning on Heaven. For putting the Winchesters above God.

For trying to have both.

Neither one would want me now. How could they? I'm disgusting. I deserved to die, not to be loved. I stopped my fists and laid there beside the body in a puddle of its own blood. I pressed his face close to mine, and waited. The footsteps of more Deans grew louder.

One cannot serve two masters.

I knew that now, and it was killing me.


End file.
